In Discernment Counseling (DC), working with the leaning-in (LI) spouse presents its own set of nuances and challenges. During the phone screen, the first session, and throughout individual conversations, there are several key areas to explore with the leaning-in spouse.
Here are the top things you can learn from them:
Thoughts about the marriage
- Understanding the leaning-in spouse's perspective on the marriage is crucial. This includes their perceptions of what is working and what is not, their expectations for the future, and their overall satisfaction with the relationship. Exploring these thoughts can help you gauge their level of commitment and identify areas that may need improvement.
Thoughts about the leaning-out spouse
- It's important to understand the leaning-in spouse's thoughts and feelings about their partner, who is leaning out of the marriage. This can provide insights into the dynamics of the relationship and any underlying issues that may be contributing to the leaning-out spouse's desire to divorce. Additionally, exploring these thoughts can help the leaning-in spouse gain a better understanding of their partner's perspective and fosters empathy.
Thoughts about divorce being on the table
- Understanding the leaning-in spouse's perspective on the marriage is crucial. This includes their perceptions of what is working and what is not, their expectations for the future, and their overall satisfaction with the relationship. Exploring these thoughts can help you gauge their level of commitment and identify areas that may need improvement.
To create a successful DC environment, it's important to:
- Empathize with the leaning-in spouse's thoughts and feelings, but quickly pivot to their motivation to save the marriage and their willingness to work on their personal contributions.
- Establish a supportive yet challenging environment that encourages both spouses to engage actively in the counseling process.
- Ensure that the leaning-in spouse signs up not only to stay married but also to better understand and work on the marriage. This commitment is crucial for the success of DC.
Conclusion:
Accomplishing these goals in the first session is vital for setting the stage for a productive and effective counseling experience. Failing to do so may result in a rocky start and could hinder the progress of the DC process.