2 Important Screening Rule Outs For Going Ahead With Discernment Counseling

In this lesson, we emphasized the critical role of the phone screen in discernment counseling, highlighting that it serves as a screening process to determine if a couple is a good fit for the service. The phone screen is not merely an administrative step but a discernment process on the part of the counselor to assess the couple’s suitability for discernment counseling.

Key Points:

Purpose of the Phone Screen:

  • The phone screen is a screening process to determine if the couple is eligible for discernment counseling.
  • It is not guaranteed that every couple who calls is suitable for the service.

Key Points:

Reasons for Ineligibility:

Leaning Out Spouse:

  • If the leaning out spouse is truly out and primarily wants to ensure the leaning in spouse is cooperative, it is not a setup for successful discernment counseling.
  • They may not be open to the discernment process or willing to work on a personal agenda for change.
  • They might be seeking to convince their spouse to end the marriage rather than genuinely exploring options.
  • If they seem to have made up their mind, politely inform them that discernment counseling may not be the right fit.

Leaning In Spouse:

  • If the leaning in spouse is very ambivalent about staying married or therapy, they may not be ready to engage fully in the process.
  • Assess their willingness to step up and be a champion for the marriage.  
  • If the counselor is the only one with energy and interest in the room, discernment counseling is unlikely to be effective.

Current Abuse or Safety Concerns:

  • We do not require a violence-free couple if it’s mutual and neither feels scared about doing DC. But any threats around not doing DC would be a serious pause.

Key Points:

Decision-Making Process:

  • Use your judgment to decide if the couple is a good fit for discernment counseling.
  • It is essential to communicate gently and patiently if you determine that discernment counseling is not appropriate for them.
  • Inform them that there are other resources available and that you do not need to book a session with them if it is not the right fit.

Key Points:

Ethical Considerations:

  • Discernment counseling is a powerful intervention and may be the last chance for the marriage.
  • Ensure that you are offering it to the right couples to maximize its effectiveness and ethical integrity.

Conclusion:

The phone screen is a crucial step in discernment counseling, serving as a screening process to determine if a couple is a good fit for the service. By assessing the leaning out and leaning in spouses' motivations and willingness to engage in the process, counselors can make informed decisions about whether to proceed with discernment counseling. It is essential to communicate gently and patiently if you determine that discernment counseling is not appropriate, ensuring that couples are directed to the most suitable resources for their needs.