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First Session Final Closing Moments With Couple

DC 2025 First Session Final Closing Moments With Couple

Key Steps and Considerations:

Agreement to Meet Again:

After the second individual sharing, confirm the agreement to meet again.
Example: "We have an agreement that we’re going to meet again."

Reflecting on the Session:

Take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned about their relationship.
Express appreciation for their participation and effort.
Example: "I feel like you’ve used this first session of Discernment Counseling well. This process is designed for couples in your situation. I think we can use another session well."

Sharing Patterns:

Share your sense of some patterns in the relationship, based on what you’ve discussed with each spouse individually.
Example: "I talked with both of you about this pattern of what I call underfunctioning/overfunctioning that has cropped up in your relationship and become really painful, kind of toxic."

Treatability of Patterns:

Emphasize that these patterns are treatable in couples therapy if they choose that path.
Example: "What I want to say is that this kind of pattern is treatable in couples therapy if you choose that path. You may not, and this is part of what we’re here to figure out."

Purpose of Discernment Counseling:

Clarify that discernment counseling is about understanding what’s happened and being clear and confident about a direction.
Example: "Discernment Counseling is about understanding what’s happened and then being clear and confident about a direction."

No Expectation of Immediate Changes:

Emphasize that no changes are expected in the next week before the next meeting.
Example: "The thing I like to end with is to not expect any changes in this next week before we meet. That’s not what this is about."

Wishing Them a Good Week:

Wish them a good week and express your forward to working with them again.
Example: "But I wish you a good week, and I look forward to working with you."

Logistics of Rescheduling:

Handle the logistics of rescheduling the next session.

General Reflections and Appreciation:

Provide general reflections on the session, express appreciation for their work, and give them a sense of systemic understanding of what’s going on.
Example: "I’ve learned to not assume that a really good insightful first session is going to mean that the next time they’re going to be ready to do therapy by any means."

Holding Off on Path Three:

If the leaning-out spouse expresses interest in Path Three (therapy), suggest holding off and doing at least one more discernment session.
Example: "My suggestion is we do at least one more discernment session because I’d hate to see you jump into something that you’re not quite ready for."

Tips for Effective Conclusion:

Active Listening: Ensure that both spouses feel heard and understood throughout the session.
Empathy: Show genuine empathy and validation for their experiences and feelings.
Clarity: Clearly communicate the purpose of discernment counseling and the next steps.
No Pressure: Avoid putting pressure on them to make immediate decisions or changes.
Appreciation: Express appreciation for their effort and participation in the session.

Conclusion:

The final moments of the first session in discernment counseling are essential for summarizing the session, expressing appreciation, and setting the stage for future sessions. By following the structured approach outlined in this handout, you can effectively conclude the first session, ensuring that both spouses feel heard and supported, and are prepared for the next steps in the discernment counseling process.

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