How to Avoid Being Judgmental (2 Challenging LO Scenarios)

DC 2025 How to Avoid Being Judgmental (2 Challenging LO Scenarios)

This lesson discusses strategies for avoiding judgment in two specific leaning out scenarios: when the leaning-out is acting out (e.g., having an affair) and when the leaning-out is psychologically minded and comes across as superior. By understanding the context and cultural factors at play, therapists can accept clients where they are and challenge their illusions without judgment.

Key Points:

Scenario 1: Leaning Out Acting Out (Having an Affair):

Challenge: The leaning-out is having an affair and is blind to the impact on their spouse and the potential consequences for the family.
Internal Judgment: Therapists may feel internally judgmental, wanting to shake the client and advocate for the spouse.

Strategy:

Understand the Context: Recognize that there is a life context for the client's actions, such as a midlife crisis or seeking something valuable in the affair relationship.
Accept Where They Are: Accept that the client is getting something positive from the affair, even if it is not supportive of continuing the marriage.
Challenge Illusions: Offer challenging questions and challenge their illusions without judgment, even if you internally view their actions as an ethical lapse.

Key Points:

Scenario 2: Psychologically Minded Leaning Out:

Challenge: The leaning-out presents as superior due to their psychological mindset, therapy background, and self-help knowledge, making them appear enlightened compared to their partner.
Internal Judgment: Therapists may feel judgmental, wanting to point out the client's imperfections and the arrogance of their self-perceived superiority.

Strategy:

Cultural Overlay: Recognize that the client is caught up in a cultural narrative of individualism and psychological self-preoccupation, which is perpetuated by the therapy field.
Accept Where They Are: Accept that the client is an avatar of this culture, leading them to feel superior and consider leaving their marriage.
Challenge Without Judgment: Work with the client on their sense of superiority and the desire to leave, without feeling judgmental and critical.

Internal Processes:

Clean Up Internal Judgment: Therapists must work on their internal judgment and distancing from the leaning out client to be successful in discernment counseling.
Accept and Challenge: Position yourself to accept the client where they are and challenge their illusions without judgment, ensuring that internal processes do not leak out into the therapeutic interaction.

Conclusion:

Avoiding judgment in specific leaning-out scenarios involves understanding the context and cultural factors at play, accepting clients where they are, and challenging their illusions without judgment. By cleaning up internal judgment and positioning themselves to accept and challenge clients, therapists can support them in discernment counseling effectively.

Previous Lesson

Back to Course

Next Lesson