Every therapeutic approach has an underlying power dynamic, and discernment counseling (DC) is no exception. DC focuses on the most distressed and chaotic couples, those who are a full standard deviation more distressed than typical couples in standard therapy models. Research excludes couples that are not both committed to the marriage, making DC a crucial resource in the field.
Power 1: Clear Candidate Selection
DC accepts clear candidates: a "leaning out" (LO) spouse who is seriously considering divorce and unmotivated for couples therapy, and a "leaning in" (LI) spouse who wants the marriage and is motivated to work on it.
Power 2: Focused Goals
The goals of DC, stated during the phone screen and every session, keep the work focused. This includes implicit permission to challenge each person to find their personal contributions to the marital distress. The focus is on deciding a direction for the marriage (Path 1, 2, or 3) rather than creating a pros and cons list, delving into individual therapy topics, or harping on the LO spouse while letting the LI spouse off the hook until Path 3 couples therapy can begin.
Power 3: Therapist's Vote in Path 3
Counterintuitively, the therapist does get a vote in proceeding with Path 3 couples therapy if one or both spouses refuse to examine their personal contributions. Often, an LO (or sometimes an LI) will insist on trying therapy again to see if the spouse can change. DC is designed to avoid half-hearted couples therapy, a common issue in the field that often leads to couples believing therapy can't work, feeling the therapist gave up on them, or declaring the marriage dead when therapy stalls.
All of these principles are explored in detail in this training course