Identifying and Leveraging Personal Agendas for Change in Discernment Counseling

DC 2025 Identifying and Leveraging Personal Agendas for Change in Discernment Counseling

In this lesson, we explored the concept of personal agendas for change, which are fundamental to discernment counseling. Personal agendas for change refer to the aspects of oneself that individuals need to work on, regardless of whether they stay married or not. These agendas are crucial because they address enduring vulnerabilities and behaviors that individuals bring into and out of their marriages.

Strategically, the definition of discernment counseling involves personal contributions, which gives you buy-in from both leaning in and leaning out clients to explore their own role in the marriage, rather than stay stuck at empathizing with their pain about the marriage breakdown.

Key Points:

Definition and Importance:

Personal agendas for change are the self-improvement areas that individuals identify during discernment counseling.
These agendas are essential because they focus on enduring vulnerabilities and behaviors that affect relationships.

Differentiation in Discernment Counseling:

Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling emphasizes personal change that does not depend on the partner's actions.
Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling emphasizes personal change that does not depend on the partner's actions.

Early Identification:

Counselors should start thinking about personal agendas for change from the beginning of the discernment process.
Helping individuals identify their contributions to relationship problems and the underlying issues is crucial.

Examples of Personal Agendas:

Identifying behaviors like temper tantrums, lack of assertiveness, and conflict avoidance.
Exploring the deeper fears and insecurities that drive these behaviors, such as fear of losing control or being abandoned.

Benefits for Leaning Out Spouses:

Helping leaning out spouses recognize their vulnerabilities can make them more open to path three (couples therapy).
Realizing that these issues will persist in future relationships can motivate them to work on themselves within the current marriage.

Transition to Path Three:

When both partners decide to pursue path three, they should articulate their personal agendas for change.
This process helps both partners feel ready for therapy and fosters a sense of mutual support and softening between them.

Preparation for Therapy:

Personal agendas for change should be crystallized by the end of the discernment process.
Both partners should be ready to articulate what they want to work on for themselves and the relationship.

Conclusion:

Personal agendas for change are a linchpin of discernment counseling. They help individuals focus on their own growth and readiness for therapy, regardless of their partner's actions. By identifying and working on these agendas from the beginning, counselors can facilitate a more effective and transformative discernment process.

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