Session Three Skill 8 LO How to Scaffold Challenges When the LO Does Not See Personal Responsibility

DC 2025 Session Three Skill 8 LO How to Scaffold Challenges When the LO Does Not See Personal Responsibility

Scaffolding challenges is a crucial skill in discernment counseling, particularly when helping the leaning-in partner recognize their contributions to relationship problems. This process can be approached in various ways, from gentle prompts to direct challenges.

Key Points:

Opening Questions:

Begin with open-ended questions such as, "What thoughts have you had about any part you've played in all of this?"
Encourage the leaning-in partner to reflect on their role in specific problems.

Direct Challenges:

Directly challenge the leaning-in partner to consider their contributions to the relationship issues.
Use pivots to shift the conversation towards self-reflection and personal responsibility.

Handling Complaints:

Recognize that the leaning-in partner may have a litany of complaints about their spouse, often stemming from extensive individual therapy.
Help them see beyond these complaints to understand their own role in the relationship dynamics.

Intensity and Patience:

Increase the intensity of your challenges gradually, ensuring the leaning-in partner feels supported and understood.
Be patient and persistent in helping them see their contributions, even if they initially resist.

Conflict Management:

Highlight the patterns of conflict management within the relationship, emphasizing that both partners have played a role in these dynamics.
Encourage the leaning-in partner to focus on their own personal growth and change, rather than hoping their spouse will change.

Personal Agenda for Change:

Help the leaning-in partner clarify their personal agenda for change, making it more tangible and actionable.
Emphasize the importance of working on themselves, even if they choose path three (divorce), to foster personal growth and healing.

Conclusion:

Scaffolding challenges involves gently but firmly guiding the leaning-in partner to recognize their contributions to relationship problems. By using open-ended questions, direct challenges, and a focus on personal growth, therapists can help clients gain a deeper understanding of their role in the relationship and encourage them to work on themselves, regardless of the path they choose.

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