Intro to Active Affairs in Discernment Counseling

DC 2025 Intro to Active Affairs in Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling provides a unique approach to help these couples gain clarity and confidence about their relationship direction without immediately addressing marital issues. We are assuming it’s a leaning-out having the active affair and the leaning-in knows about it.

Key Points:

Traditional Couples Therapy Limitations:

Most therapists avoid working with couples when an affair is active.
Standard therapy models focus on two people in the marriage, excluding the affair partner.

Goals of Discernment Counseling:

Provide clarity and confidence about the relationship's future.
Achieve a deeper understanding of the marriage and each partner's contributions to its problems.
Create a boundary and buffer by not labeling it as therapy, reducing emotional risks for the leaning-in partner.

Strategy for Handling Active Affairs:

- Recognize two simultaneous discernment processes:
1. Whether to continue or end the affair.
2. Whether to work on the marriage.
Sequentially address these processes: first, discern about the affair, then about the marriage.
Avoid comparing the affair relationship with the marriage relationship, as they are at different stages and fundamentally different.

Benefits:

Discernment counseling helps couples who are not typically aided by standard couples therapy models.
Provides a structured approach to handle the complexity of an active affair within the context of a marriage.

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