Demo of First Session with Leaning In

Objective:

To explore the deep-seated emotions and perceptions of the “leaning in” partner, identifying key areas for improvement and understanding in the relationship, and preparing them to communicate these insights effectively to their partner.

Key Points:

Initial Check-In:

  • Bill begins by checking in with John, asking how he feels after their individual time together and if there was anything new or surprising in Celine's earlier statements.
  • John acknowledges feeling fine and looking forward to continuing the process, indicating a willingness to engage.

John's Perspective on Domestic Annoyances:

  • John discusses his perception of "domestic annoyances," such as laundry, and how he has changed over the past ten years to take on more responsibilities around the house.
  • He expresses difficulty recognizing some of the issues Celine raises, suggesting a potential disconnect in their perceptions of the relationship dynamics.

Emotional and Behavioral Insights:

  • Bill highlights John's tendency to approach problems objectively and factually, which may hinder his ability to fully understand and empathize with Celine's feelings.
  • John acknowledges his past struggles with communication and his efforts to improve, noting a turning point where he became more focused on listening and understanding Celine's perspective.

Discrepancies in Perceptions:

  • Bill points out the differences in John and Celine's descriptions of their interactions, emphasizing the need for John to recognize the deeper emotional issues beneath the surface conflicts.
  • John reflects on his feelings of regret, annoyance, and slight irritation when Celine expresses her dissatisfaction, indicating a mix of emotions that need to be addressed.

Addressing Loneliness and Invisibility:

  • Bill encourages John to acknowledge and take seriously Celine's feelings of loneliness and invisibility, emphasizing the importance of empathy and understanding.
  • John expresses a desire to connect with Celine on a deeper level and understand the root causes of her feelings, showing a willingness to take a more humble and empathetic stance.

Preparing for the Couple's Time:

  • Bill instructs John to bring Celine back into the session and share his insights and commitments gained from their individual time.
  • John shares his newfound understanding and commitment to listening and empathizing with Celine's feelings, setting the stage for a more constructive and empathetic dialogue.

Transition Back to Couple's Time:

  • Bill ensures both partners feel heard and understood, facilitating a smooth transition back to couple's time.
  • John expresses his commitment to better understand Celine's feelings and the underlying issues in their relationship, highlighting his willingness to work on the marriage.

Outcomes:

  • John gains a deeper understanding of his role in the relationship dynamics and the importance of empathy and active listening.
  • Bill facilitates a smooth transition back to couple's time, ensuring both partners feel heard and understood.
  • The session highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing emotional disconnects, fostering a more empathetic and constructive dialogue between partners.

Follow-Up:

  • Subsequent sessions can build on this foundation, focusing on practical strategies for improving communication and emotional connection.
  • The discernment counselor can continue to guide the couple towards a more empathetic and understanding relationship, addressing the underlying issues that contribute to their challenges.