First Session Starting Moments

DC 2025 First Session Starting Moments

The initial minutes of discernment counseling are crucial for setting the tone and establishing clear goals and structure. This handout provides a step-by-step guide to effectively beginning your discernment counseling sessions, ensuring that both partners are aligned and ready to engage in the process.

DC Handout - Complete Guide to Session One

Step-by-Step Guide:

Initial Banter:

Purpose: To help the couple relax and feel comfortable.
Example: Discuss topics like traffic, weather, or other casual subjects.
Tip: Keep it light and friendly to create a welcoming atmosphere.

Articulating Goals:

Purpose: To allow each partner to express their individual motivations for seeking discernment counseling.

Instructions:

Ask each partner: "What do you hope to get out of seeing me for discernment counseling?"
Encourage them to speak for themselves, rather than assuming or speaking for their partner.
This invitation allows each partner to define their own reasons for being there, rather than relying solely on information from the phone screen.

Tip: Listen actively and without judgment. The only intervention might be if one partner speaks for the other, gently redirecting them to express their own reasons.

Clarifying the Goals of Discernment Counseling:

Purpose: To ensure both partners understand the primary objectives of the counseling.
Statement: "The goals of discernment counseling are to help you gain clarity and confidence about the direction of your relationship based on a deeper understanding of what's happened to your marriage and each person's contributions to the problems."
Tip: Reiterate these goals to keep the focus on the intended outcomes.

Outlining the Process:

Purpose: To provide a clear structure for the session, ensuring that both partners know what to expect.

Explanation:

"I'll be asking you a series of questions with both of you in the room."
"Then, I'll have individual conversations with each of you separately."
"After each individual conversation, you will each give a summary report out."

"Along the way, we'll discuss whether you want to have another session."
"At the end, we'll have a final check-out and decide on rescheduling if necessary."
"I may also share some final reflections."
Tip: Be clear and concise in your explanation to avoid confusion.

Opening Question:

Purpose: To transition smoothly into the counseling process.

Instructions:

Begin with the first question to start the counseling process.
Ensure that each component of the opening is covered to clarify goals and structure.
Tip: Make sure both partners are grounded and ready to proceed.

Additional Tips:

Assess Shifts in Positions: Use this initial conversation to gauge any changes in the partners' positions since the phone screen.
Non-Judgmental Listening: Avoid commenting on or judging their responses. Simply listen and acknowledge their statements.
Encourage Individual Expression: Ensure that each partner speaks for themselves, rather than assuming or speaking for their partner.

Conclusion:

The first minutes of discernment counseling are essential for setting the stage for effective and intentional sessions. By following this step-by-step guide, you can help couples gain the clarity and confidence they need to make informed decisions about their relationship. This structured approach ensures that both partners are aligned and ready to engage in the discernment process.

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