Confidentiality is a big deal in couples therapy, so we wanted to explain how it really impacts DC.
The main issue is how to use all important information in DC without violating anyone’s confidentiality.
The first way concerns a situation where one person shares something huge, and you wanted to check in with the other spouse about it. It’s usually some critical incident that never came out in the phone screen or first session core questions. The best approach in DC is to ask if they are willing to bring up in their summary sharing that you discussed it in their individual time.
A second way to handle disclosures is to ask the discloser for permission to bring up the matter in the conversation with their spouse, so that you can get that person’s reactions to the event. An example would be an argument between sessions that demoralized the LO spouse. Helping the LI process it and share what they learned could be important to the success of the session. So, you can ask permission to bring it up and say that you had permission to do so.
A third way is to share your impressions of how the other spouse is handling their part of the DC process, but without quoting them or revealing anything specific. An example: the LO worries that the LI is not understanding or taking seriously something that the LO has brought up. You might say that you see it differently, namely, that from your perspective the spouse seems to be doing some real soul searching.
A secret, active affair will be covered elsewhere.