Handling Secrets on the Road to Path Three

DC 2025 Handling Secrets on the Road to Path Three

In discernment counseling, handling secrets disclosed by the leaning-out partner, particularly affairs, can complicate the path to couples therapy (path three). This involves ensuring the leaning-in partner has all the necessary information to make informed decisions about the relationship.

Key Points:

Identifying the Secret:

Recognize when the leaning-out partner discloses a secret, such as an affair, that significantly impacted the marriage.
Understand that this secret is crucial for the leaning-in partner to know to gain a full understanding of what happened to the marriage.

Importance of Disclosure:

Emphasize that the leaning-in partner should know about the secret to achieve clarity and confidence about the direction of the relationship.
Acknowledge that proceeding with couples therapy without this information can be unfair to the leaning-in partner.

Therapist's Role:

If you are the therapist or referring to a colleague, ensure that the secret is disclosed to the leaning-in partner.
Coach the leaning-out partner on how to disclose the secret to their partner, ensuring they take responsibility for their actions.

Potential Reactions:

Be prepared for various reactions from the leaning-in partner, ranging from relief to horror and distress.
Address these reactions appropriately, providing support and guidance as needed.

Extended Sessions:

Recognize that disclosing the secret may require additional sessions beyond the typical five-session limit.
Be prepared for a potential reversal of leaning-in and leaning-out roles as the leaning-in partner processes the new information.

Philosophy and Approach:

Develop a philosophy and approach for handling secrets, ensuring that the leaning-in partner is not kept in a one-down position.
Ensure that the leaning-in partner has all the information needed to make informed decisions about the relationship, whether they choose path three or path two.

Conclusion:

Handling secrets in the road to path three involves identifying and disclosing important information to the leaning-in partner, ensuring they have a full understanding of what happened to the marriage. By coaching the leaning-out partner on disclosure, preparing for various reactions, and potentially extending sessions, therapists can support couples in making informed decisions about their relationship's future.

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