New Couple Is A Better Fit For Discernment Counseling How To Switch

DC 2025 New Couple Is A Better Fit For Discernment Counseling How To Switch

Transitioning a couple from couples therapy to discernment counseling is sometimes necessary when it becomes clear that the couple’s goals and readiness for therapy are misaligned. This process involves assessing the couple’s ambivalence and commitment to staying married and working on their problems.

DC Handout - Transitioning New or Existing Couple to Discernment Counseling

Key Points:

Assessing Ambivalence:

Begin by asking the couple what they hope to achieve from therapy.
Listen for signs of ambivalence about staying married or the effectiveness of therapy, particularly from the leaning-out partner.
Ask each partner about their interest, investment, and commitment to staying married and working on the problems.

Dual Commitment Question:

If clarity is not achieved, ask the dual commitment question: "How do you see yourself now, in terms of your interest and commitment in staying married and working on the problem so that it's possible for you to have a good, happy marriage or you're not so sure?"
Praise the leaning-out partner for their honesty if they express uncertainty.

Explaining Discernment Counseling:

If the couple has mixed agendas (one partner is leaning-in and the other is leaning-out), explain discernment counseling as a suitable alternative to couples therapy.
Describe the goals, process, and benefits of discernment counseling, emphasizing its time-limited nature and focus on achieving clarity and confidence.

Managing Reactions:

The leaning-out partner often finds discernment counseling appealing as it fits their current situation.
The leaning-in partner may feel uncertain or resistant, as they came for couples therapy. Address their concerns by explaining that discernment counseling is a step towards achieving their goal of preserving and restoring the marriage.

Individual Consultation:

If the leaning-in partner becomes upset or distressed, offer to speak with them individually to address their concerns.
Reassure them that discernment counseling is a better path towards their goals, even if it's not what they initially wanted.

Authoritative Stance:

Maintain an authoritative position, explaining that you believe discernment counseling is the better approach for their situation.
Be prepared to refer them to another therapist if they insist on couples therapy, as you believe it may not be in their best interest at this time.

Structuring the Work:

If the couple agrees to transition to discernment counseling, reformulate the structure of the work going forward.
Begin asking the questions and following the protocols outlined in the first session of discernment counseling.

Conclusion:

Transitioning a couple from couples therapy to discernment counseling involves assessing their ambivalence and commitment, explaining the benefits of discernment counseling, managing their reactions, and maintaining an authoritative stance. By following these steps, therapists can help couples achieve clarity and confidence about their relationship's direction and prepare them for more effective therapy or decision-making.

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