Session Four Skill 5 LI Challenging the LI to Step Up In Leadership

DC 2025 Session Four Skill 5 LI Challenging the LI to Step Up In Leadership

When the leaning-in partner is wavering, it’s crucial to help them see the hope and potential for change in the relationship. This involves challenging their hopelessness and encouraging them to take leadership in advocating for the relationship.

Key Points:

Importance of Leadership:

The leaning-in partner needs to show leadership and commitment to the relationship, especially when the leaning-out partner is considering path three (couples therapy).
This involves stepping up and advocating for the relationship, even when facing personal struggles and doubts.

Challenging Hopelessness:

The therapist should listen compassionately to the leaning-in partner's struggles but also challenge their hopelessness.
Help them see that their feelings of unhappiness and emptiness are valid but should not deter them from pursuing the potential for a better relationship.

Consequences of Inaction:

Discuss the consequences of continuing on the current trajectory, including the impact on the children and the potential for divorce.
Emphasize the sadness and unnecessary harm that can come from not trying to improve the relationship.

Opportunity for Change:

Highlight the opportunity for change, especially when the leaning-out partner is open to working on the marriage.
Encourage the leaning-in partner to seize this moment and commit to the effort required to improve the relationship.

Authenticity and Genuine Desire:

Ensure that the leaning-in partner's desire to work on the marriage is genuine and not driven by obligation or pressure.
Emphasize the importance of both partners genuinely wanting to improve the relationship for the right reasons.

Hope and Potential:

Remind the leaning-in partner that there is always hope and the potential to step off the path towards divorce and choose a different route.
Encourage them to try and believe in the possibility of a successful and repurposed marriage.

Conclusion:

Encouraging the leaning-in partner to show leadership involves challenging their hopelessness, discussing the consequences of inaction, and highlighting the opportunity for change. By emphasizing authenticity, genuine desire, and the potential for hope, therapists can help leaning-in partners commit to advocating for the relationship and pursuing the effort required to improve it.

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