Session Three Skill 4 LO Responding to We’ve Tried and Failed at Therapy

DC 2025 Session Three Skill 4 LO Responding to We’ve Tried and Failed at Therapy

In discernment counseling, it’s essential to challenge the part of the divorce narrative that suggests prior couples therapy was unsuccessful and that change is impossible. This involves acknowledging the limitations of previous therapy while encouraging a deeper understanding of the relationship dynamics.

Key Points:

Challenging the Divorce Narrative:

Address the narrative that suggests prior couples therapy failed and that path three (divorce) is inevitable.
Recognize that prior therapy may not have delved deeply into the specific interaction patterns and behaviors that contribute to relationship problems.

Limitations of Prior Therapy:

Acknowledge that prior therapy may have focused on abstract issues rather than the nitty-gritty details of how the couple interacts.
Highlight that previous therapy may not have provided the tools needed to make meaningful changes at home.

Identifying Interaction Patterns:

Help the leaning-out partner recognize specific patterns in their interactions, such as how they may have gotten back at their partner.
Encourage a more fine-grained understanding of how their behaviors and those of their partner contribute to the relationship problems.

Feedback and Criticism:

Point out that previous therapy may not have elicited critical feedback from the leaning-in partner, which can contribute to a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.
Encourage the leaning-out partner to recognize that they have a role in the interaction patterns and that both partners contribute to the dynamics.

The Role of the Counselor:

As a discernment counselor, you have the freedom to be more challenging and direct, as you are not the couple's long-term therapist.
Use this freedom to help the leaning-out partner see their contributions more clearly and to encourage a willingness to explore path three (therapy) more deeply.

Encouraging Self-Reflection:

Encourage the leaning-out partner to reflect on what they might be doing that makes it harder for their partner to open up and provide critical feedback.
Help them see that there is always more to learn about themselves and their role in the relationship, even if prior therapy was not successful.

Potential for Change:

Emphasize that good couples therapy involves learning about oneself, even if the therapy does not ultimately succeed in restoring the marriage.
Encourage the leaning-out partner to consider that a different kind of therapy could be helpful, focusing on the specific behaviors and interactions that contribute to the problems.

Conclusion:

Challenging the divorce narrative and addressing the limitations of prior therapy is crucial in discernment counseling. By helping the leaning-out partner see their contributions more clearly and encouraging a deeper understanding of their interaction patterns, therapists can open up the possibility of path three (therapy) and foster a willingness to explore personal growth and change.

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