Normalizing problems in the context of discernment counseling (DC) is a crucial strategy for helping mixed-agenda couples understand and address their relationship issues and allows you to move faster.
Here’s a breakdown of how this strategy works and its importance:
Different Levels of Commitment:
In discernment counseling, you start by acknowledging that the spouses may have vastly different levels of commitment to changing the relationship. This contrasts with traditional couples therapy, where both partners are typically expected to be motivated to work on the relationship.
Understanding Problems:
The goal is to help each spouse understand their problems and their individual contributions to these issues. Normalizing problems means reassuring them that their issues are common and treatable, rather than unique and insurmountable.
Empathy and Confident Hope:
By normalizing problems with empathy, you can instill a sense of confident hope. This approach helps couples see that their problems are not fatal flaws but rather challenges that can be addressed if both partners are willing to work on them.
Bad Couples Therapy:
Many couples have had negative experiences with previous therapy, so it’s important to normalize this reality as well. Acknowledging past failures can help build trust and show that the current approach is different and more effective.
Normalizing Interaction Patterns:
By normalizing common interaction patterns that lead to relationship distress, you offer hope rather than reinforcing the idea of a fatal flaw in one or both spouses. This can help the relationship stand a better chance of improvement or help individuals learn from their patterns for future relationships.
Personal Contributions:
Helping spouses understand their personal contributions to the problems can be empowering. It allows them to see that they have the agency to change and improve the situation, rather than feeling like victims of circumstance.
Conclusion:
In summary, normalizing problems in discernment counseling is about providing empathy, hope, and a realistic understanding of relationship issues. This approach can help couples see their problems as treatable and encourage them to work towards resolution, even if their initial levels of commitment to change are different.