Session One Skill 4 LO Responding to We’ve Tried and Failed at Therapy

DC 2025 Session One Skill 4 LO Responding to We’ve Tried and Failed at Therapy

Addressing the leaning-out partner’s concern that past therapy didn’t work is a crucial skill in discernment counseling. Many couples have attempted couples therapy before, and it’s essential to explore why they should try again while acknowledging the limitations of their past experiences.

Key Points:

Understanding Past Therapy:

Gain insights into the past therapy experiences through the repair narrative and other discussions with the couple.
Avoid throwing the therapist under the bus while pointing out the limitations of the past therapy.

Framing Past Therapy:

Frame what the past therapist did and did not do, based on the information provided by the leaning-out partner.
In the example, the counselor acknowledges that the therapy was successful in some ways but did not have a lasting impact.

Exploring Conflict Patterns:

Introduce the concept of conflict patterns, which may not have been addressed in the past therapy.
Name the conflict pattern in detail and emphasize that it is treatable, providing hope for the leaning-out partner.

Attractive and Drawbacks of Path Three:

Discuss the attractive aspects of path three, such as the potential for successful therapy and the possibility of gaining better tools to sustain the relationship.
Acknowledge the drawbacks, such as the fear of repeating past experiences and the concern that the improvements may not last.

Providing Hope:

Emphasize that the conflict pattern can be treated, providing a reason to try path three again.
Highlight that choosing path three allows the couple to focus on the conflict pattern, which was not addressed in the past therapy.

Chemo Moment:

Recognize that this conversation can be a pivotal moment in discernment counseling, where the leaning-out partner gains hope and a new perspective on the potential for therapy to work this time.

Conclusion:

Responding to the leaning-out partner's concerns about past therapy involves understanding their experiences, framing the past therapy in a constructive way, exploring conflict patterns, and discussing the attractive and drawback of path three. By providing hope and emphasizing the treatability of conflict patterns discernment counselors can help the leaning-out partner consider trying therapy again, fostering a more open and optimistic perspective on the potential for their relationship.

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