Session One Skill 1 LI How to Initially Shift from What’s Happening is Terrible to What Can I Do

DC 2025 Session One Skill 1 LI How to Initially Shift from What’s Happening is Terrible to What Can I Do

In session one, moving the leaning-in partner from focusing on their pain and complaints to what they can actually do in discernment counseling is a crucial skill. This transition is essential for establishing an agreement on how to work together and for shifting their focus towards taking action to preserve the marriage.

Key Points:

Empathizing with Pain and Distress:

Begin by empathizing with the leaning-in partner's pain and distress, acknowledging their feelings and the challenges they have faced.
Recognize that the leaning-in partner may initially focus on their own suffering and why the situation is unfair.

Shifting the Focus:

After empathizing, shift the conversation towards the goals of discernment counseling, emphasizing the paths available and their motivation to work as a leaning-in partner.
Help them understand that the purpose of discernment counseling is to explore the possibility of preserving the marriage and moving towards path three (couples therapy).

Establishing Agreement:

Work on establishing an agreement with the leaning-in partner about how you will work together in discernment counseling.
Ensure they understand the role they need to play as a leaning-in partner, focusing on their actions and intentions rather than just their pain.

Maintaining Connection:

While shifting the focus, maintain an emotional connection with the leaning-in partner, ensuring they feel heard and supported.
Avoid dismissing their pain but guide them towards a more productive conversation about their role and actions in the discernment process.

Addressing Intercultural and Contextual Factors:

Be mindful of any intercultural or contextual factors that may influence the leaning-in partner's experiences and motivations.
In the provided example, the couple has an intercultural marriage involving a pregnancy and infidelity, which adds complexity to their situation.

Conclusion:

Moving the leaning-in partner from complaints to action in session one involves empathizing with their pain, shifting the focus towards the goals of discernment counseling, establishing an agreement on how to work together, maintaining emotional connection, and addressing contextual factors. By helping the leaning-in partner transition from focusing on their pain to taking action, discernment counselors can support them in becoming more effective champions for the marriage and moving towards path three.

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