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Challenging Each Persons Reality About Other

DC 2025 Challenging Each Persons Reality About Other

Advantage of Seeing Both Partners:

Discernment counseling allows access to both partners, providing unique insights and the ability to challenge reality expectations without breaching confidentiality.
This approach differs from individual therapy, where the therapist does not have direct access to the other partner.

Common Reality Expectations:

One spouse may believe the other does not love them, is not serious about change, or cannot change.
Challenging these expectations is crucial for moving past impasses in counseling.

Strategies for Challenging Reality:

Use a "one down" approach to avoid coming across as authoritative or dismissive.
Example: "I get that you feel in your heart and mind that your spouse has these feelings about you or isn't serious or isn't really prepared to change."

Sharing Perceptions:

Share your impressions delicately, acknowledging the spouse's long-term knowledge of their partner while offering new insights.
Example: "You've lived with this person for a long time, and I've just known you guys for a few hours here. But I like to share what I'm getting."

Being Definitive:

Be fairly definitive about your perceptions, challenging the spouse's reality softly but firmly.
Example: "That's not what I'm getting. I'm getting somebody who still loves you very deeply but has been very hurt and is afraid."

Addressing Skepticism:

Acknowledge the spouse's skepticism about their partner's seriousness and capability for change.
Example: "I realize you have been through other rounds of therapy and are understandably skeptical about whether your spouse is serious about working on things."

Encouraging Open-Mindedness:

Encourage the spouse to consider the possibility that their partner is serious about change, especially when they are on the brink of significant decisions.
Example: "I'm urging you not to dismiss the possibility that your spouse is serious about this process and is serious about trying to make some changes."

Providing Input:

Offer your input based on what you are seeing in the counseling sessions, without making definitive conclusions about the future.
Example: "I'm just giving you my input about what I'm seeing so far in our work together."

Conclusion:

Challenging reality expectations in discernment counseling involves leveraging insights from both partners to provide new perspectives. By using a delicate "one down" approach, sharing definitive perceptions, addressing skepticism, and encouraging open-mindedness, you can help spouses move past impasses and make informed decisions about their relationship.

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