Session Two Skill 3 LI Quickly Helping the LI Get the Partner’s Pain and their Own Contribution to It.

DC 2025 Session Two Skill 3 LI Quickly Helping the LI Get the Partner’s Pain and their Own Contribution to It.

In discernment counseling, a crucial skill is helping the leaning-in partner understand and acknowledge the pain they have caused their leaning-out partner. This is particularly important in session two, as it sets the foundation for effective communication and empathy throughout the counseling process.

Key Points:

Priority in Session Two:

Ensure that by the end of session two, the leaning-in partner has a clear understanding of the pain they have caused their leaning-out partner.
This understanding is essential for the leaning-in partner to empathize with their spouse and work towards rebuilding the relationship.

Challenges in Hearing the Leaning-out Partner:

The leaning-out partner often feels unheard and misunderstood, making it difficult for the leaning-in partner to fully grasp their pain.
The threat of divorce can further complicate the leaning-in partner's ability to listen and empathize with their spouse.

Connecting Behaviors to Pain:

Help the leaning-in partner see the connection between their actions (both overt and indirect) and the distress and pain experienced by their leaning-out partner.
Encourage the leaning-in partner to recognize the patterns in the relationship that have contributed to their spouse's pain.

Example of Connection:

In the provided clip, the therapist works with a leaning-in husband who struggles to connect his behavior towards their trans daughter with the pain it has caused his wife.
The therapist helps him understand that healing his relationship with his daughter is intrinsically linked to healing his marriage.

Understanding the Leaning-out Partner's Message:

Help the leaning-in partner understand the full message from their leaning-out partner, emphasizing the importance of addressing the pain caused.
Encourage the leaning-in partner to recognize that their spouse's openness to considering path three (couples therapy) is contingent on their willingness to work on the identified issues.

Addressing Concerns:

Acknowledge the leaning-in partner's concerns about their ability to improve the relationship, such as lack of communication with their daughter.
Emphasize that professional help can be part of the treatment package, providing support and guidance for both the marital and familial relationships.

Conclusion:

Helping the leaning-in partner understand the pain they have caused is a key skill in discernment counseling, particularly in session two. By connecting behaviors to pain, addressing concerns, and emphasizing the importance of empathy, therapists can support the leaning-in partner in gaining a deeper understanding of their spouse's feelings and working towards rebuilding the relationship.

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