Brief Foundation of the Individual Conversations

DC 2025 Brief Foundation of the Individual Conversations

Core Principle:

The core principle of individual conversations in Discernment Counseling (DC) is to offer emotional validation with accountability for one's impact on their spouse during marital interactions. This is what we refer to as relational intelligence.

Key Points:

Emotional Validation:

Emotional validation must be heartfelt and genuine.
This allows for a quick transition into the more challenging aspects of DC.

Timing:

For a "leaning in" (LI) spouse, emotional validation should be established within about 5 minutes of the first individual conversation.
For a "leaning out" (LO) spouse, this should be achieved within the first 10-15 minutes.

Challenging Both Partners:

By the second session, it is crucial to have found a way to gently but firmly challenge both spouses.
Failure to do so puts DC at serious risk.

Benefits of DC:

The intensity and speed of DC offer enormous benefits to couples.
Couples learn new insights about themselves and their relationship, making the process highly rewarding for therapists.

Conclusion:

This foundational approach sets the stage for the deeper work that will be explored in subsequent lessons. The individual conversations in DC are designed to be intense, fast-paced, and highly beneficial, providing couples with valuable insights and tools for improving their relationship.

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