Clarity and Confidence for Path Two

DC 2025 Clarity and Confidence for Path Two

This lesson discusses the importance of clarity and confidence in path two (divorce or separation) for both leaning-in and leaning-out partners in discernment counseling. It emphasizes the need for slowing down the decision-making process and recognizing the ethical weight and consequences of divorce.

Key Points:

Leaning Out Partner:

Decision Fluctuations: Decisions about divorcing can go up and down, and it is crucial not to assume that the leaning out partner's decision is final when they express a desire for path two.
Ethical Weight and Consequences: Divorce is a consequential and ethically significant decision, particularly when minor children are involved. Therapists should slow down the process, encouraging reflection and another session before finalizing the decision.
Not an Emergency: Divorce is not an emergency decision, and couples can take time to reflect and discuss their values and responsibilities if they choose to proceed with divorce.

Leaning In Partner:

Agency and Choices: The leaning-in partner has agency and choices, even if it feels like they have no control. They can choose to maintain a stance of wanting to work things out or be a conscientious objector to the divorce decision.
Constructive Stance: The leaning-in partner can be constructive without immediately accepting the leaning out partner's decision. They can express their reservations and discuss the timing and management of the separation or divorce.

Therapist's Role:

Slowing Down the Process: Therapists should encourage both partners to slow down the decision-making process, recognizing that divorce decisions can fluctuate and are ethically significant.
Another Session: Always offer another session to discuss values, responsibilities, and the potential for change, even if one partner has expressed a desire for divorce.
Separate Conversations: Talk to each partner separately to assess their current stance and provide individualized support and guidance.

Interaction Patterns and Contributions:

Grounded Approach: Focus on interaction patterns, personal contributions, and scene settings (specific examples) to help both partners gain a deeper understanding of their relationship dynamics and the co-created nature of their problems.
Same Work for Both: Apply the same discernment counseling techniques to both partners, helping them see their contributions and the potential for change, even if one partner is leaning towards divorce.

Conclusion:

Achieving clarity and confidence in path two involves slowing down the decision-making process, recognizing the ethical weight and consequences of divorce, and supporting both partners in their agency and choices. By encouraging reflection, offering another session, and focusing on interaction patterns and contributions, therapists can help couples make informed and considered decisions about their relationship's future.

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