Declining to Do Path 3 (Conceptually and Craft)

DC 2025 Declining to Do Path 3 (Conceptually and Craft)

This lesson discusses the delicate situation where discernment counselors need to decline path three (couples therapy) despite both partners verbally expressing a desire to pursue it. It emphasizes the importance of ensuring both partners are genuinely committed and ready for the work required in couples therapy.

Key Points:

Philosophy Behind Declining Path Three:

Avoiding Half-Hearted Therapy: Discernment counseling aims to avoid half-hearted couples therapy where one or both partners are not fully committed.
High-Risk, High-Stakes: Couples in discernment counseling are often highly distressed and may have only one chance to save their marriage. Therapists must use this chance judiciously.
Goals of Discernment Counseling: Before proceeding to path three, couples should have achieved clarity and confidence based on a deeper understanding of their contributions to the problems and a willingness to engage fully in the therapy process.

Assessing Readiness for Path Three:

Personal Agendas for Change: Therapists should assess whether both partners have developed personal agendas for change and are willing to take responsibility for their contributions to the relationship problems.
Superficial Blame: If one or both partners are still blaming the other and not looking at their own contributions, they may not be ready for couples therapy.

Assessing Readiness for Path Three:

Early Skepticism: By session three, therapists should express skepticism about the potential success of couples therapy if the leaning out partner still feels hopeless, resentful, or unwilling to look at themselves.
Not Set Up to Succeed: Therapists should communicate that embarking on couples therapy with the current feelings and understandings may not be set up to succeed.

Withdrawing Support:

Early Skepticism: By session three, therapists should express skepticism about the potential success of couples therapy if the leaning out partner still feels hopeless, resentful, or unwilling to look at themselves.
Not Set Up to Succeed: Therapists should communicate that embarking on couples therapy with the current feelings and understandings may not be set up to succeed.

Declining Path Three:

Rarity of Declining: Declining path three is rare, as therapists usually withdraw their support before reaching this point.
Path One as an Alternative: If therapists decline path three, the alternative is often path one (maintaining the status quo without divorce or therapy), as couples may not be ready for either divorce or the work required in couples therapy.

Anxiety About Declining Path Three:

Not a Crisis: Therapists should not view declining path three as a crisis or a failure. Instead, it is a recognition that couples may not be ready for the work required in couples therapy.
Returning to the Status Quo: Declining path three allows couples to return to their previous state of a murky, immediate marriage, without feeling doomed to divorce.

Conclusion:

Declining path three in discernment counseling involves assessing both partners' readiness and commitment to the work required in couples therapy. By expressing skepticism early on, withdrawing support when necessary, and recognizing path one as a viable alternative, therapists can ensure that couples are genuinely prepared for the intensive work of couples therapy, maximizing their chances of success.

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