First Session Question 2: The Repair Narrative

DC 2025 First Session Question 2: The Repair Narrative

The second question in the first assessment session of discernment counseling is designed to explore what the couple has attempted to do to fix their marital problems. This lesson explains the rationale behind the question “What have you tried to do to fix the problems in your marriage so that you didn’t get to the point where divorce is a possibility?” and provides guidelines for effectively using this question in your sessions.

The Question:

“What have you tried to do to fix the problems in your marriage so that you didn’t get to the point where divorce is a possibility? It may be something you’ve done individually or together, with help or on your own. So who would like to start?”

Rationale:

Assumption of Repair Attempts:

The question assumes that the couple has made efforts to address their marital issues, indicating a desire to improve their relationship.
It acknowledges that people often try to fix problems before considering divorce.

Permission to Share Various Efforts:

The question allows partners to discuss individual, joint, and professional efforts to repair their marriage.
This approach avoids shaming questions about whether they have tried therapy before, making it more inclusive and non-judgmental.

Gathering Information:

The question helps gather valuable information about the couple's past attempts at repair, including individual therapy, couples therapy, and other interventions.
This information is crucial for understanding their experience with therapy and its impact on their relationship.

Guidelines for Using the Question:

Initial Presentation:

After the first question, ask the repair narrative question verbatim to the couple.
What have you tried to do to fix the problems in your marriage so that you didn't get to the point where divorce is a possibility? It may be something you've done individually or together, with help or on your own. So who would like to start?"

Listening and Note-Taking:

Listen actively and take notes on the couple's responses, focusing on key points such as the type of help sought, the duration, and their perceptions of its effectiveness.
Avoid interrupting or asking follow-up questions unless necessary for clarification.

Allowing Corrections:

Permit the couple to correct each other's recollections of past efforts, as this can help co-construct a more accurate history.
Ensure that these corrections do not escalate into arguments.

Exploring Therapy Experiences:

If the couple mentions therapy, ask follow-up questions to understand their experiences and the outcomes.
Example: "Could you tell me more about that therapy experience? What was helpful about it?"

Filing Information for Later Use:

Use the information gathered to inform individual conversations and future sessions.
This question provides insights into the couple's past repair attempts and their perceptions of their effectiveness.

Tips for Effective Use:

Consistency: Ask the question verbatim to ensure consistency and avoid leading the couple's responses.
Non-Judgmental Listening: Listen without judgment, allowing the couple to share their experiences openly.
Time Management: Keep the discussion concise, focusing on key points and avoiding in-depth conversations at this stage.
Follow-Up Questions: Use follow-up questions to clarify details about therapy experiences and their impact on the relationship.

Conclusion:

The question "What have you tried to do to fix the problems in your marriage so that you didn't get to the point where divorce is a possibility?" is essential for understanding the couple's past repair attempts and their experiences with therapy. By following the guidelines and tips provided in this lesson, you can effectively use this question to gather valuable information and set the stage for productive discernment counseling sessions. This approach ensures that both partners have the opportunity to share their perspectives and that the session remains focused on the most critical issues.

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