Fourth Session Ambivalence and Not Plunging into Couples Therapy

DC 2025 Fourth Session Ambivalence and Not Plunging into Couples Therapy

In session four of discernment counseling, if the leaning-out spouse is still ambivalent about choosing path three (couples therapy) or path two (divorce), the therapist plays a crucial role in assessing readiness and making informed recommendations. This session focuses on ensuring that both partners are genuinely committed to the chosen path and avoiding halfhearted couples therapy.

Key Points:

Assessing Readiness:

Evaluate the leaning-out spouse's enthusiasm and focus on their own contributions to the relationship problems.
Recognize when the leaning-out spouse is not fully on board with couples therapy, despite verbally agreeing to it.

Therapist's Vote:

As a discernment counselor, you have a vote in recommending path three (couples therapy) based on your assessment of the couple's readiness and willingness to engage in the therapeutic process.
You do not have a vote in path two (divorce) or path one (reconciliation without therapy).

Communicating Concerns:

Gently and firmly communicate your concerns about the couple's readiness for couples therapy.
Highlight the importance of being fully committed to the therapeutic process and the potential consequences of halfhearted engagement.

Path One as an Alternative:

If the leaning-out spouse is not ready for divorce but also not fully committed to couples therapy, introduce path one as a viable alternative.
Emphasize that path one allows for a period of separation and reflection, providing an opportunity to reassess the relationship without the pressure of immediate divorce.

Avoiding Default to Divorce:

Ensure that divorce is not presented as the default option, especially when the leaning-out spouse is ambivalent about couples therapy.
Frame path one as a proactive step towards potential reconciliation, rather than a step towards divorce.

Delicate Conversation:

Approach the conversation about path one delicately, acknowledging the leaning-out spouse's fears and concerns about divorce.
Emphasize the importance of timing and the potential benefits of taking a break from the relationship to gain clarity and perspective.

Conclusion:

In session four, handling ambivalence involves assessing the leaning-out spouse's readiness for couples therapy, communicating concerns gently but firmly, and introducing path one as an alternative to halfhearted couples therapy or defaulting to divorce. By focusing on the couple's genuine commitment and the potential benefits of path one, therapists can help them make informed decisions about their relationship's future.

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