Phone Screens for Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling is a unique process that requires a thorough phone screen to ensure that both partners are aware of what they are getting into and to determine if discernment counseling is a good fit for them.

Purpose of the Phone Screen:

The phone screen serves as both an orientation for the couple and a means of gathering background information to determine if discernment counseling is suitable for them.

Steps in the Phone Screen:

  • Gather background information: Ask about the couple's history, how long they've been together, and if they have kids.
  • Assess understanding of discernment counseling: Ask the couple to explain how they think discernment counseling could be helpful to them, assuming they have already accessed information about it on your website or the general discernment counseling website.
  • Identify leaning in or leaning out spouse: Determine if the person you are talking to is a leaning in or leaning out spouse, and if they are motivated to try to save their marriage.
  • Describe discernment counseling: Once you have determined that the couple is a good candidate, describe the goals, process, and structure of discernment counseling.
  • Answer questions and address concerns: Allow the couple to ask questions and address any concerns they may have.
  • Safety questions: Ask safety questions to rule out any potential risks, such as danger or coercion, and to ensure that both partners are freely coming to the counseling.

Key Considerations:

  • Leaning in spouse: Must be motivated to try to save their marriage and willing to put in the necessary effort.
  • Leaning out spouse: Must not have made a final decision to divorce and be open to exploring options.
  • Danger or coercion: Must not be present in the relationship, and both partners must be freely coming to the counseling.

Outcome of the Phone Screen:

The phone screen will determine if discernment counseling is a good fit for the couple. If it is, you will set up a time for the first meeting. If not, you will explain why discernment counseling is not suitable for them.

Detailed Steps for the Phone Screen:

Gather Background Information:

  • Ask about the couple's history, including how long they've been together and if they have children.
  • Get a sense of the current situation and any immediate concerns.

Assess Understanding of Discernment Counseling:

  • Ask: "Based on your understanding of discernment counseling, how do you think it could be helpful to you and your marriage?"
  • Ensure they have read about discernment counseling on your website or the general discernment counseling website.

Identify Leaning In or Leaning Out Spouse:

  • Determine if the person is leaning in (willing to try to save the marriage) or leaning out (considering divorce but not yet decided).
  • For leaning out spouses, ensure they have not made a final decision to divorce.
  • For leaning in spouses, ensure they are motivated and willing to put in the effort to save the marriage.

Describe Discernment Counseling:

  • Explain the goals, process, and structure of discernment counseling.
  • Describe what the first session will look like and how it differs from traditional couples therapy.
  • Emphasize that divorce is on the table and that the process is about exploring options.

Answer Questions and Address Concerns:

  • Allow the couple to ask questions and address any concerns they may have.
  • Provide clarity on what discernment counseling entails and what to expect.

Safety Questions:

  • Ask safety questions to rule out any potential risks, such as danger or coercion.
  • Ensure that both partners are freely coming to the counseling and that there is no immediate risk.
  • Focus on current risks rather than past incidents of domestic violence or coercive control.