Session Two Skill 2 LO Challenging the My Spouse Cannot Change Narrative

DC 2025 Session Two Skill 2 LO Challenging the My Spouse Cannot Change Narrative

This lesson focuses on challenging the leaning-out partner’s skepticism about their spouse’s ability to change, shifting the focus from the spouse’s capacity for change to the relationship dynamics and the leaning-out’s own contributions to the stalemate. The therapist encourages the leaning-out to consider their role in the relationship and the potential for personal growth.

Understanding Skepticism:

Empathy and Validation: Acknowledge and validate the leaning-out partner's feelings of hopelessness about their spouse's ability to change, while avoiding excessive empathy that reinforces their skepticism.
Recognizing Patterns: Help the leaning-out partner recognize patterns in their relationship history that contribute to their skepticism, such as past attempts at change that did not last.

Shifting Focus to Relationship Dynamics:

Co-Creating the Relationship: Emphasize that both partners co-create the relationship at every stage, having meaningful roles in both the stagnation and potential for change.
Stalemate and Contributions: Focus on the stalemate in the relationship, surfacing the leaning-out partner's contributions to this dynamic.

Encouraging Personal Growth:

Focus on Self-Change: Direct the leaning-out partner's attention to what they can change within themselves, as they are the only person they can control.
Hope Through Self-Awareness: Encourage the leaning-out partner to understand their own contributions to the stalemate, fostering hope by highlighting areas where they can actively work on personal growth.

Addressing Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecies:

Palpable Skepticism: Recognize that the leaning-out partner's skepticism is palpable and can influence their spouse's behavior, potentially creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Keeping an Open Mind: Encourage the leaning-out partner to keep an open mind about their spouse's potential for change, acknowledging that their spouse may have a deeper understanding of the current situation.

Therapeutic Conversation:

Documenting Skepticism: Validate the leaning-out partner's documented skepticism about their spouse's ability to change, acknowledging that it is based on real experiences and patterns.
Directing Back to Self: Shift the conversation back to the leaning-out partner's own contributions and the potential for personal change, fostering a sense of agency and hope.

Conclusion:

Challenging the leaning-out partner's skepticism about their spouse's ability to change involves validating their feelings while shifting the focus to the relationship dynamics and the leaning out's own contributions to the stalemate. By encouraging personal growth and fostering an open mind about the spouse's potential for change, the therapist supports the leaning out partner in recognizing their role in the relationship and the possibility for positive change.

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