Session Two Skill 4 LO Responding to We’ve Tried and Failed at Therapy

DC 2025 Session Two Skill 4 LO Responding to We’ve Tried and Failed at Therapy

This lesson discusses strategies for dealing with couples who have attempted couples therapy before but did not sustain it. The therapist focuses on illuminating a specific interaction pattern to the leaning-out spouse, emphasizing its treatability and relevance to other dynamics in their marriage.

Drilling Down on Interaction Patterns:

Illuminating New Insights: The therapist helps the leaning-out spouse see a particular interaction pattern in a new light, highlighting aspects that may not have been addressed in previous couples therapy.
Example of Interaction Pattern: The therapist explores a dynamic where the leaning-out spouse responds to the leaning-in spouse's neediness, potentially over-functioning and losing themselves in the process.

Forecasting Treatability:

Treatable Pattern: The therapist emphasizes that the identified interaction pattern is treatable if both partners choose to work on it, providing hope and motivation for change.
Relevance to Other Dynamics: The therapist highlights how this pattern represents other dynamics in the marriage, suggesting that addressing it could have broader positive effects on their relationship.

Temporary Phase and Space:

Deliberate Limbo: The therapist emphasizes that the current phase is temporary and deliberate, providing an opportunity for both partners to reflect and decide on the next steps without immediate pressure.
Space for Reflection: Encourage the leaning-out spouse to use this time to consider their own needs and desires, rather than feeling solely responsible for their partner's happiness.

Navigating Neediness:

Maintaining Connection: The therapist discusses strategies for maintaining a minimal connection during this temporary phase, such as supporting each other while acknowledging that it is not an optimal time for deep connection.
Addressing Dynamics in Therapy: The therapist suggests that future therapy could explore how the leaning-out spouse feels responsible for their partner's needs and how the leaning- in spouse's neediness affects the dynamic.

Conclusion:

Addressing previous failed couples therapy involves illuminating specific interaction patterns to the leaning out spouse, emphasizing their treatability and relevance to other marital dynamics. By providing hope and motivation for change, the therapist supports the leaning-out spouse in navigating the temporary phase and considering their role in the relationship dynamics. This approach fosters a sense of agency and encourages both partners to reflect on their willingness to work on these issues together in future therapy.

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