The Power of The Paths

DC 2025 The Power of The Paths

The three paths in discernment counseling are a crucial framework that distinguishes this process from traditional therapy. They provide a structured way to navigate the urgency and focus on the past, helping counselors avoid rabbit holes and maintain a clear direction for both partners.

Key Points:

Distinguishing Features:

Discernment counseling differs from traditional therapy due to its urgency, session limits, and focus on the past.
The leaning out partner often has a narrative and pain from past experiences, while the leaning in partner is in emotional turmoil, hoping to save the marriage.

Avoiding Rabbit Holes:

The three paths help counselors avoid endless discussions and empathy loops by providing a clear framework for exploring options.
Counselors can transition between paths, describing each one and keeping the conversation focused on the present and future.

Operationalizing Clarity and Confidence:

Clarity and confidence are operationalized through the three paths, helping both partners understand their options and the potential outcomes.
For the leaning out partner, discussing path two (divorce) and path three (couples therapy) provides a clear way to explore their feelings and decisions.
For the leaning in partner, the focus is on helping them make their best case for path three, reducing emotional turmoil and providing a clear direction.

Agency and the Future:

The power of discernment counseling lies in focusing on agency and the future, rather than trying to change the past.
The three paths operationalize this focus, helping both partners understand their options and the potential for change in the present and future.

Ethical Considerations:

The three paths provide an ethical framework, taking away the burden for the leaning out partner to decide on a lifelong commitment.
The focus is on what each partner wants to do in the next six months, providing a clear and manageable timeframe for decision-making.

Importance of the Drumbeat of the Paths:

Maintaining a consistent focus on the three paths is crucial for successful discernment counseling.
This drumbeat helps keep the conversation focused, avoids rabbit holes, and provides a clear structure for both partners to explore their options and make informed decisions.

Conclusion:

The three paths in discernment counseling provide a structured and ethical framework for exploring options, avoiding rabbit holes, and focusing on agency and the future. By maintaining a consistent focus on the paths, counselors can help both partners navigate their emotions, make informed decisions, and work towards a clearer understanding of their relationship's direction.

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