Second Session with Leaning In

DC 2025 Second Session with Leaning In

Session two with the leaning-in partner is crucial for establishing a locked-in arrangement where they are willing to champion the relationship and accept the counselor’s input. This session focuses on helping the leaning-in partner focus on their goal of saving the marriage and managing their behaviors and emotions effectively.

Key Points:

Establishing the Champion Role:

Ensure the leaning-in partner is committed to being a champion for the relationship, accepting their role, and willing to follow the counselor's input.
Address any disappointment from the first session, helping them accept their role and the discernment process.

Addressing Negative Patterns:

Prioritize helping the leaning-in partner shift from negative patterns, such as pursuing, scolding, or talking to the kids in harmful ways.
Emphasize the importance of self-regulation and self-management to avoid contributing to an undesired outcome.

Managing Demoralization:

If the leaning-in partner is demoralized, help them hold on to their goal of preserving the marriage.
Acknowledge the unfairness of their situation but emphasize the short-term nature of discernment counseling and the need to sustain their motivation.

Clarifying Goals:

Confirm the leaning-in partner's desire to preserve the marriage, acknowledging that they do not owe clarity but encouraging them to champion the relationship.
Discuss the inevitability of path two (divorce) if both partners are ambivalent, but focus on helping the leaning-in partner hold on to their motivation.

Addressing Fairness:

Acknowledge that the leaning-in partner is carrying more of the load and that it is not fair, but emphasize the temporary nature of this situation.
Encourage them to focus on the discernment process and the possibility of path three (couples therapy) if both partners are willing to work on themselves.

Preparing for Path Three:

Emphasize that path three requires both partners to look at themselves and commit to changing, not just one partner being the "bad guy."
Help the leaning-in partner understand that the current imbalance is part of the discernment process and that it is temporary.

Calibrating Efforts:

Help the leaning-in partner calibrate their efforts to prepare for the deep and hard work of discernment counseling.
Encourage them to focus on their goal, manage their behaviors, and sustain their motivation throughout the process.

Conclusion:

Working with the leaning-in partner in session two involves establishing their role as a champion for the relationship, addressing negative patterns, managing demoralization, clarifying goals, addressing fairness, preparing for path three, and calibrating their efforts. By focusing on these key points, discernment counselors can help the leaning-in partner sustain their motivation, manage their behaviors, and engage effectively in the discernment process.

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