Second Session with Leaning Out

DC 2025 Second Session with Leaning Out

In session two of discernment counseling, the focus is on establishing the leaning-out partner’s willingness to engage with the discernment process and letting them take the initiative in the session. This involves understanding their contributions to the relationship problems and avoiding the temptation to pursue them towards a specific path.

Key Points:

Establishing the Counselor's Role:

Begin by asking the leaning-out partner how you can help them discern a future for the marriage, encouraging them to take the initiative.
Avoid taking over the session or pursuing the leaning-out partner towards a specific decision, allowing them to come to you with their needs and wants.

Avoiding the Battle for Initiative:

Recognize that the second session is about the client taking the initiative, rather than the discernment counselor controlling the structure.
Encourage the leaning-out partner to express what they want and need from the session, rather than the discernment counselor always leading.

Avoiding Premature Decisions:

Resist the temptation to push the leaning-out partner towards a specific decision or path, even if they seem uncertain or hopeless.
Focus on the goals of discernment counseling, which are to help the leaning-out partner make a decision with clarity and confidence based on more knowledge and understanding.

Addressing Hopelessness:

If the leaning-out partner expresses hopelessness or uncertainty, acknowledge their feelings and explore why they chose to return for discernment counseling.
Remind them of the goals of discernment counseling and invite them to reassert why they are seeing you, rather than a divorce lawyer or mediator.

Exploring Interaction Patterns:

Begin discussing interaction patterns in the relationship, rather than just personalities, to help the leaning-out partner see their contributions to the problems.
Encourage them to recognize that their choices and behaviors have contributed to the relationship dynamics, rather than just being a victim of their spouse's actions.

Deepening the Conversation:

Help the leaning-out partner go deeper than simple self-blame, such as "I put up with this person for too long," by exploring the sources of their behaviors and choices.
Encourage them to recognize that they have also contributed to their spouse's pain and distress, even if they see themselves as the long-suffering one.

Getting on Board:

Ensure that the leaning-out partner is signed up for discernment counseling and understands the goals of the process.
Encourage them to take ownership of their contributions to the relationship problems and be open to exploring interaction patterns and personal growth.

Conclusion:

Working with the leaning-out partner in session two involves establishing the counselor's role, avoiding the battle for initiative, avoiding premature decisions, addressing hopelessness, exploring interaction patterns, deepening the conversation, and getting the leaning-out partner on board with the discernment process. By focusing on these key points, discernment counselors can help the leaning-out partner take the initiative, engage with the discernment process, and make informed decisions about their relationship's future.

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