DC 2025

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Therapist Pessimism Hearing LO Say I Should Never Have Married Them

 3 minutes
DC 2025 Therapist Pessimism Hearing LO Say I Should Never Have Married Them

Key Points:

Scenario Overview:

  • The leaning out (LO) spouse expresses that they never should have gotten married, often citing circumstances like an unintended pregnancy.
  • This statement can make the discernment counselor feel pessimistic about the couple's chances of reconciliation.

Why They Are in Discernment Counseling:

  • If the LO spouse is in the counselor's office and not in a mediator or divorce lawyer's office, there is still ambivalence about divorce.
  • Explore this ambivalence to understand what is holding the LO spouse back from proceeding with a divorce.

Divorce Narrative:

  • The LO spouse may create a divorce narrative that seems irrefutable, often recreating the story of the marriage based on current unhappiness.
  • Recognize that this narrative might be influenced by their current feelings rather than an objective assessment of the past.

Exploring Ambivalence:

  • Ask the LO spouse why they are in discernment counseling and not in a divorce lawyer's office.
  • This question can reveal the other side of their ambivalence and open up a discussion about their doubts and uncertainties.

Maintaining Hope:

  • Do not let bold declarations like "never should have gotten married" discourage you.
  • Understand that these statements may be a recreation of the marriage story based on current feelings.
  • Recognize that the LO spouse is in discernment counseling because there is some possibility they may want to work on the marriage.

Counselor's Role:

  • Avoid giving up hope, even if the LO spouse seems to be giving up.
  • Continue to explore the LO spouse's ambivalence and maintain a hopeful perspective on the potential for reconciliation.

Conclusion:

When the LO spouse expresses that they never should have gotten married, it is crucial to recognize the underlying ambivalence and not be overly impressed by their divorce narrative. By exploring their reasons for being in discernment counseling and maintaining hope, the counselor can effectively navigate this challenging scenario and support the couple in making informed decisions about their future.

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