“How am I a difficult partner in this or any other relationship?” Answering this question offers a huge opportunity for self-knowledge that is often missed in traditional therapy where the emphasis is how long-suffering someone has been in their marriage. Everyone brings personal issues to a relationship, and discovering those is one of the goals of Discernment Counseling. This fresh self-understanding, a more complex sense of the relational self, is a key gain whether the couple stays married or not. It makes this work very rewarding for therapists, too.

Understanding the Nuances of Self in Relationships

In the realm of counseling, particularly in Discernment Counseling, a vital aspect often overlooked is the intricate dance of self-awareness within relationships. Bill Doherty, co-founder of the Doherty Relationship Institute, sheds light on this crucial facet that deserves more attention in therapeutic settings.

The Triangle of Self-Awareness

Doherty employs the metaphorical image of a triangle to elucidate the dynamics at play within individuals and their relationships. Traditionally, therapy delves into identifying one's feelings and perceptions of their partner's behavior. However, Discernment Counseling emphasizes a third component: understanding one's own role in the relational dynamic.

Beyond Victimhood: Embracing Self-Reflection

Rather than solely attributing relationship issues to a "difficult" partner, Discernment Counseling encourages individuals to examine their contributions to negative patterns introspectively. This process involves acknowledging personal vulnerabilities that shape relational interactions.

Embracing Vulnerability

Central to Discernment Counseling is recognizing that all individuals carry enduring vulnerabilities into their intimate relationships. By acknowledging these vulnerabilities without shame or guilt, individuals can better understand themselves and their relational patterns.

Looking Forward: Personal Agenda for Change

A pivotal aspect of Discernment Counseling is equipping individuals with the self-awareness necessary for future relationship endeavors. Individuals can proactively address challenges in future relationships by identifying personal triggers and behavioral patterns.

Conclusion: Self-Discovery in Crisis

Discernment Counseling transcends mere decision-making about the future of a marriage; it serves as a catalyst for profound self-discovery. In the crucible of potential divorce, individuals are often more receptive to engaging in introspection and personal growth.