“How am I a difficult partner in this or any other relationship?” Answering this question offers a huge opportunity for self-knowledge that is often missed in traditional therapy where the emphasis is how long-suffering someone has been in their marriage. Everyone brings personal issues to a relationship, and discovering those is one of the goals of discernment counseling. This fresh self-understanding, a more complex sense of the relational self, is a key gain whether the couple stays married or not. It makes this work very rewarding for therapists, too.