Discernment Counseling in a Nutshell

The initial commitment for the couple is simply the first 2-hour session. During this session, each person decides separately if they would like one more session, up to a maximum of five. The goals are clarity and confidence in a direction for the marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to the marriage and each person's contributions to the problems.*

The outcomes are framed in terms of three paths:

  • Path One - Status Quo (stay married)
  • Path Two - Separation/Divorce
  • Path Three - Six month commitment to couples therapy, with a clear agenda for personal change and with divorce off the table during this time.  

The sessions are carefully designed to take each partner where they are, with an emphasis on individual conversations and carefully structured couple sharing. The sessions do not look like traditional couples therapy. There is a big emphasis on what each partner can learn about self from the problems that have befallen the marriage.

* This is not couples therapy as you are not aiming to help people solve problems together, learn to communicate better, or get closer together.

This free 3-part video training will show you:

  • How to best help the mixed agenda couple (one of the hardest couples we face as therapists)
  • The three emotional stances of mixed agenda couples
  • How to bring clarity and confidence to the couple about the direction of their relationship, based on a deeper understanding of what’s happened to their marriage and each person’s contributions to the problems.