We hear this all the time – someone is leaning out of their marriage and the spouse being threated with divorce goes online. Regular couples therapy isn’t likely to help because they are not on the same page. This is one of the ironies of why Discernment Counseling works so well – it’s for couples who are not on the same page and helps them accept that reality. 

As a co-founder of the Dougherty Relationship Institute, I've witnessed firsthand the complexities couples face when grappling with the future of their relationships. One particular approach that has garnered attention is Discernment Counseling, and its effectiveness lies in acknowledging and addressing the divergent perspectives within a relationship.

The Power of Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling offers a unique space for couples who find themselves at a crossroads. It recognizes that only some couples are on the same page about the state of their relationship. In many cases, one partner may be eager to work through issues and salvage the connection, while the other feels uncertain or ambivalent about the future.

This divide, often referred to as the "leaning in" and "leaning out" dynamic, can create significant tension and discord within the relationship. The partner who is leaning in may feel frustrated and bewildered by the reluctance of their counterpart to engage in the process of repair fully. Meanwhile, the partner who is leaning out may struggle with feelings of guilt or uncertainty about committing to the relationship.

How is Discernment Counseling Different?

What sets Discernment Counseling apart is its recognition of these differing agendas within the couple. By acknowledging that both perspectives are valid, Discernment Counseling creates a safe space for exploration and reflection. Instead of rushing to find solutions or assign blame, couples are encouraged to delve into their underlying emotions and motivations.

In my experience, many couples express a sense of relief when they discover Discernment Counseling. It provides them with permission to not be on the same page about the relationship—a freedom they may not have realized they needed. Even though they may disagree about the future of their partnership, they can find common ground in seeking support and guidance.

Through telephone screenings and initial consultations, I've witnessed couples coming to a shared understanding of their need for Discernment Counseling. Despite their divergent views on the relationship itself, they recognize the value of seeking professional assistance in navigating this challenging juncture.